Another semester? Maybe....the future is scarce....

Arghhhh! Yes, arghh again and again and again. Why? What else...b'coz of xm.

Just finished my third paper about an hour ago. I blew it...yes...I blew it BAD! And I couldn't believe how terrible I did in that paper. I can't stop blaming myself of my stupidity. The paper was only one hour and a half and I wasn't able to finish it. I didn;t have time to recall everything. The time was too short for me. I worked under stress. Damn. This morning, when I was studying, I was pretty much sure I memorized everything. That was this morning. All the sudden, everything that I read, became blank as I entered the examination hall. The breeze from the airconditioner just seemed motionless. I could feel the air. I was trapped in the heat of recalling my memories. Tiny sweat dripped down my forehead. Quite a few time, I pulled my sleeves up but to no avail. The heat was killing me.

As my brain could not function well, I decided to just "fried" the answer. I knew it was wrong but at least I got something scribbled on my paper. The time ticked as fast as my heartbeat. My hand kept scribbling answers I wasn't sure about. As I know, I couldn't force my brain to extract my memories, I decided to shift to question 4. Thank goodness, I remembered the answer for (a). But at (b), as I was writing, I paused for a moment to recall the continuation to my answer. I decided to skip it and answer later but clumsy dear old me, I forgot to continue answering till the end of time. I only realised that I forgot to answer it as I stepped out from the hall. Arghh...how clumsy. I did recalled the answer but I forgot to fill it up. So, there goes question 4.

The time on my digital watch showed that there's only 30 mins left for me to answer. I still got one more question. And the question was divided into 4 parts and 3 of them were asking for definitions. And lil me didn't study on definition at all. What a suprise! The 4th part was a calculation question so I grabbed my (actually, not mine, it's Ayie's) calculator and beginning answering the question. The calculations was pretty long. My handwriting was terrible. Hopefully the lecturer can read it. About 5 min before time was up. I finished the question. Only that question. I still have tons on blanked answer. As the announcement was made for us to stop writing, I could feel a rush of blood in my head. I knew, I was doom. Lots of empty pages and uncertain answers. I know I wouldn't make it.

So now, I have to prepare myself to take the special semester. Damn...I was too confident I could finish this semester but it seems all three papers that I have taken, I blew it. It makes me feel horrible. I kept wondering, "What the hell was I doing all this semster?" My dream to grad early is shattered to pieces. But as everyone would say, it's not over yet until the result is out. Yes, of course...the result will tell everything. I couldn't bare looking at my result this semester. I know that it's gonna be a terrible one. Urghh...damn it.

Yesterday Faz said, no matter how terrible I said I couldnt do my exam paper, I still pass. I still manage to survive through it almost every semester. Yes, that I have to admit....I remembered taking Economics, I cried as soon as I passed up the paper. I couldn't do it. I was sure. But fortunately I got out of it, an unexpected B- when I was pretty much confirmed I will get an F. Then the next semester, it was Concrete Design. Again I went back home crying myself to sleep. Suprisingly, I passed. Oh yes...every semester, there will always be a paper where I thought I would fail, but I passed.

Even last semester, the papers that I was quite pretty sure I couldnt do during the exams suprised me with unexpected grades. But those were previous semesters. I got lucky. I was lucky. But not this semester. Just not this semester. I couldn't be lucky throughtout my life. It just doesn't go that where. Life like that only existed in fairy tales where nice people will live happily ever after.

Whatever the outcome may be...I'm ready. If another semester has to be taken, well, bring it on...........

+posted by arkarnax @ 6:11 PM